haven’t had anyone take my picture in a long ass time so just poppin by to post these pics w @aggy66v just casually posin in front of a school bus yard hehe ✨ also, I obviously need to let y’all know what happened w my return video- so the rest of this caption is gonna be a rundown for those wondering wtf happened lmao. as u probably know i had my return video set to post last week, and after announcing it was mere hours away from posting.... nothing ever happened :) My PLAN was to wait to post anything on my socials till I got it fixed & up. I even added a part to the video that shows what happened, so the story will still be in the video; BUT here’s an update bc too many people are starting to worry that I am off bein dumb somewhere!! SO!!!! If u don’t know: I broke my mac a month ago; which is the computer I edit on. Due to that I decided to use a shitty spare computer to edit it. I stayed up 3 days with no sleep to get that video posted last week, and once it was done and uploading, I decided to let myself crash and have the video set to go live whenever it finished uploading. During the upload, (and my slumber), MY WHOLE COMPUTER CRASHED :D I woke up to all my files entirely gone and no video uploaded. I had a meltdown-no biggie-and had to redo everything I worked 2 whole weeks on... from scratch :)) ive been so extremely embarrassed to tell everyone, so was trying to just redo it and get it up quick enough where the vid could do all the explaining (I include the only parts that i still had on my memory card & trust me, ur gonna see why i had to redo it 🥴). But then my lazy ass ended up giving myself a few days of rest before redoing the video, cause I was so beat up from the 3 day marathon of work, that every attempt at the redo felt rushed and just like subpar content. So... ya, the video is now working on going up agAIN and I’ll let y’all know when it’s live. Until then I ain’t sayin anything lmfao... refuse to jinx it. Also don’t worry. never using my windows computer again. Also backed up this video file 100x so it ain’t going anywhere. The end. I’m sorry x1000 I suck x1000 I don’t blame u if u hate me x1000 now look at these fire pics x1000 xoxoxo
hehe sobriety ✨swipe 2 last image for pic of what a few months of heroin and just a couple weeks of meth with do to ur face and ur hygiene. • • • • side story: I found myself getting into meth when I couldn’t stay awake long enough with the heroin. It all ended with nearly losing a leg from sepsis, but thankfully I asked for help in time. every relapse I have is harder and scarier and it gets me to rock bottom quicker and quicker each time. it only gets worse and worse, no matter how hard your addiction will try to convince you of new ways to manage and handle the ability to keep using, it’s all a fallacy and is still out to kill you in the end. All the things u never thought you’d do, you’ll find yourself doing. You won’t recognize yourself in the mirror and your eyes will become hollow. You lose yourself and your soul. You wake only to medicate, and every action you do throughout your life is planned carefully around your ability to keep yourself well and have enough of the drugs to not be sick for the day. But like I’ve always said, you CAN get your souls back and your freedom back. Might be the hardest fight ever in the beginning, but u get an entire lifetime of freedom in return- so it’s worth it. I believe in u all so much. Nothing has changed about my confidence and view on recovery because of my relapses. I had stopped trying to work on my trauma and began to try to ignore and bury it. due to that, before I knew it the devil was back on my shoulder begging me to medicate. I tried to fight it but all it took was one weak moment at the right place at the right time. But it’s okay I slipped up. It’s okay if you have, too. I learned even more about myself through this experience and will use it to fight even harder now.
tofu is rockin some ~tumblr aesthetic e girl mood-board ~ vibez 🙈💗🌸 it’s always been tough to capture his growth since he’s typically partially curled up in photos, so i made sure to grab some shots of him stretching out in the last two pics, that way u can see a lil better that he slowly but surely is becoming a long boy 🌷🌸 it’ll be wild in a few years when he’s full grown. can u imagine a 4-5+ foot long tofu ??? cause that’s what we’re gonna have 🤭
tried 2 decide which animal to post first and ... ahh !! hard decision !!! but here’s Maui (he’s a pastel pied ball python to anyone who may not know!) I’m getting adjusted to being back home now. instead of doing IOP, I requested to do PHP first this time, which is short for a partial hospitalization program. PHP is an intense program of therapy and groups 5 days a week, morning till evening (while IOP is 2-4x a week and only for a couple hours). then I go home for the evening, take care of my animals, sleep at home, & go back early in the morning. I’m waiting for some new lights to come in the mail, and then ima be filming. My content will bring you all back into my world better than any posts could ever do. Will be talking about the animals, but also sharing the personal growth that has been happening, and how much I’ve been learning about myself through the trial and error that has been 2020 so far for me. I really want to use this period in my life to talk about recovery as much as I can, so I can connect to those out there who may be going through what I have been going through and be a reminder that you don’t have to give up, and things can still get better again for all of us who are battling addiction. 💕 gonna be sharing some updates of my babies on here and twitter till the videos are ready to go up! ❤️
maybe it’s maybelline, maybe it’s over 3 weeks of ✨𝓼𝓸𝓫𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓽𝔂✨ i cant explain how excited i am to go back home to be with my babies, and to have my kitties all snuggled up with me again 😍 it has suuuucked being away from them, but they’re also a huge reason i chose to come to begin with. even though nobody close to me knew i was struggling this time, i still knew that it wouldn’t be too much longer until i began to get too sick to keep up w/ all the work that came with caring for my animals. my relapse was much worse and more intense than anything that happened the entire first year of using. i used the thought of becoming too sick to care for my babies to be one of the biggest pushes to stop waiting around and to get into a facility that could give me the help i needed so badly. i really am so grateful for the care i’ve gotten here; I had almost TWENTY abscesses and an infection that was almost septic that took a loOot of care to fix. even with that, there have definitely been days where i was positive i wouldn’t complete the program and that i needed to just leave and use and give up. the doctors have helped me through every tough day and now i’m shocked that i only have 8 days left. so happy i’ve been able to do this 💞
just a lil update. got some cute (rly ugly) scars on my leg to show off when I take some pics hehe :) addiction is no joke. Nothing logical can stop you when you’re in the moment. But just a reminder that if you’re stuck there you deserve a better life and if you hear even a tiny voice in your head that agrees, take that uncomfortable leap and ask for help because you deserve it and you can find a better life if you keep fighting. Don’t give up. I’m not going to either. Recovery isn’t linear and nobody’s story is the same. Don’t compare your recovery to others. Never give up
I luv this fit !!!! also my hair is growing out so much 😭 will be postin some pics of some of my babies next, cause I know u all miss them. they’re all doing great!! just been working on myself and my own health. getting closer and closer to the place I want to be at mentally. Remember it’s always okay to ask for help when you’re struggling. It’s okay to not be okay and it’s ok to need help to get to a better place. I kept trying to handle my mental health on my own this last year until I finally realized I couldn’t progress any further by myself. It was really hard to reach out and ask for help initially, but it was worth it. Especially because I‘m able to progress a lot more with the help I’ve been given now than I was able to a year ago. I was in an entirely different place back then, and was unable to fully open up to the help I needed. Now everything’s different and life is opening new doors for me. I’ll post a more detailed update soon about the future of my channel (bc there’s a LOT to come on it!!) and where I am in life. Love u all. *ALSO, PLS continue to fight for the #blm movement and use your voice how you can. I’ve been trying my best to continually donate to all the causes I continue to discover, and also share places for you all to attend rallies, more information u can read up on about the movement, where to donate, and how to be an ally. Pls don’t let my updates on my health mistake you that I‘m unaware of / ignoring what’s going on in the world right now; I’m truly trying to be a good ally however I can be while I get my shit together. ❤️ I want this to be the last time I need this kind of help so I’m just taking it extremely seriously. I’m so ready for the next chapter in life.
srry 4 not smiling or somethin for the pics but hi im alive and love u all so much. thank u all for giving me the space and time I’ve needed to grow and heal. recovery and sobriety have been a huge challenge during the pandemic and my heart goes out to everyone who’s in this fight with me. i’m safe and i’m sober and every single day I am finding myself more and more. Please remember if you’re struggling with any type of addiction that you’re never alone; and that there’s immense strength in asking for help, not weakness.
5+ month glow up (2nd photo is from first week I had him). He eats like a maniac and has learned that the turkey baster is where his food comes from, so always goes to aggressively try to bite at it 😅. Think I’m still low key traumatized from cheese’s death tho for sure, because every day I run out to my tank to make sure queso- aka cheese 2.0- is doing ok, and have a huge sigh of relief when I see him still swimming happily around. I think this is why I’ve shown only such limited updates of him over the months. I know how difficult these guys can be to raise up and how easily they can pass away, and I’ve been worried to let the world get bonded with another one with me. I think it’s safe to say this guy isn’t going anywhere for a long time. He’s growing so effortlessly and eating so much and it’s been almost half a year now. He’s full of life and way bigger now than the size in which babies most commonly die at. Gonna slowly introduce him more and more in future videos, but I just wanted to do a lil update on him! Ps, Wednesday is my tank cleaning day, so I know my glass isn’t great but it’ll be better soon. Also had a run of cyano due to having the lights on too bright, it’s almost all gone now though! I had some new corals come in that require more light than most of the ones I have, so I tweaked my lighting and ended up making it TOO bright, resulting in the cyano. I’ve been treating it though successfully and like I said it’s almost all gone :) Aquariums are still one of my biggest passions and I’m blessed to have another lil cowfish in my life 💕
It’s my 23rd birthday ❤️ swipe for some pics of my lil animal crossing party 💕 ok, now prepare for a novel: I was really sad when I first found out I wasn’t gonna be able to celebrate the way I had planned due to the virus and the need for social distancing... but man am I so happy to just be here, chillin with my family and playing animal crossing. On my birthday 2 years ago my ex relapsed and was violent; even punched a hole in my door. I only could manage to see my mom for less than half an hour without worrying that I was upsetting him. when I got back from seeing her, he was so livid that she had purchased me flowers, because he also got me flowers. he insisted my mom was trying to “one up” him. The flowers she got me were Daisy’s, because our family dog daisy had recently passed. It had nothing to do with him, but he made it about him anyways. He was cold and drunkenly aggressive until I finally panicked and threw them out even though they meant so much to me. On my 22nd birthday he was shooting me with heroin and I couldn’t leave my bed. My only gift was from him taking my credit card without me knowing and lying that he bought it. Before I knew he used my card, I purchased really expensive tickets to see his favorite basketball team. I felt so loved from his gifts and wanted to make sure he felt the same from me; only to discover later that he got them using my own credit card. All this being said to stress just how damn happy I am to be sitting in my parents home right now, doing nothing but relaxing. I know people give me a hard time for mentioning my relationship with my ex so much, but unless you have been through something so traumatic and are trying to adjust to life on the other side, I ask you to try not to assume how you should act. I share because I hope someone who may still be in that situation sees my stories and sees similarities and gets out. I share because I’m still often so damn shocked I was living the way I was. connecting with other people about it helps me immensely. Anyways, I am grateful to be sober and safe. being with my family and seeing the smile on my mom’s face over the fact that I’m here with her is the best gift.
Bindi and I spent some of the day outside trying to get some sun during this crazy self-quarantine time, so here’s a bunch of photos and videos 😂 Peep last photo for her current cage setup. I feel like I still wanna add so much more but she seems so happy in it 🌞💕 her cage is around 160-170 gallons (I forget the precise measurements in the moment), and I think it’s a great size for her but wanna add more decor !!
went to a wedding and had one last outing before now being officially stuck inside bc my mom refuses to let anyone leave. I know it’s for the best but being confined to my house definitely doesn’t help my mental health lol. Oh well it be that way I’d definitely prefer not to get the virus 😔✌️ gonna spam y’all with animal content until the outdoors becomes safe again